Another of your sense organs gets Damaged

For seven weeks now I’ve hosted an online radio show, Technophrenia with Brian Damage, on I do my DJing thing for 90 minutes or so, playing any or all of my favourite electronic music genres in one show to keep my short attention span engaged (thus the name).

I didn’t think to record the first few shows, then I couldn’t get my software (Native Instruments’ Traktor DJ Studio) to record as it should. Luckily my friend Axiom Dadak had the good sense to use a stream recorder to capture my shows in glorious 48kbps.

This week’s show was crap so I’m denying it ever existed. Last week’s show, even though I was temporarily and accidentally interrupted by a fellow Radiogrounds DJ, went pretty well.

I share mit you.

Technophrenia, February 12, 2008
1:11:49, 48kbps mono, 24.6MB

Tune in to my show weekly at Tuesdays at 7:00pm. Check out the website whenever you like, though. There’s a really awesome song request function that lets you control the broadcast.


Unintentional Innuendo League

I think it’s the winky face that I find so disconcerting.


Video Games

Cliffy, take a long walk off of one

Epic (née Megagames) superstar level designer (!?) Cliff Bleszinski (gesundheit!), aka CliffyB, laments to Gamasutra about the poor sales of his (proclaimed) acclaimed Xbox hit, Gears of War. Says Bleszinski:

“I think people would rather make a game that sells 4.5 million copies than a million and Gears is at 4.5 million right now on the 360.”

Such commendable objectivity. Let’s look at the facts behind this blanket statement.

  • Gears of War was released on PC, at full price, one year after the Xbox360 premiere.
  • Thousands complained about the game’s inexplicably high system requirements.
  • Needless integration with Windows Live requires you to create an account and be logged in to save your single player game.
  • You’re stuck with console-style continue points and can’t save anywhere.

Not only does Cliffy assume that no PC gamer owns an Xbox 360, the game is crippled with needless online integration and obviously overlooks many of the PC platform’s strengths. As is the case with all console ports the game looks dated on PC and does not warrant the full price of admission.

Epic is recoiling from unimpressive holiday sales, but this comes as little surprise on the PC side. Their two major offerings last quarter were the ageing Gears of War as well as the universally snubbed Unreal Tournament 3. The reasons for the failure of the latter title are quite obvious to me:

  • Epic’s insistence to synchronize its launch with Valve’s Orange Box and EA’s Crysis.
  • The game is marginally different from Unreal Tournament 2004.
  • The mod scene for UT2k4 is huge, so starting over with a blank slate is mundane.

And Gears of War?

  • Very awkward WASD controls.
  • The level design is sub par – every map is a square with debris.
  • You fight baddies called “wrenches” (Get it? Gears? Wrenches? Neither do I.) and the rest of the writing resorts to sub-Stallone gravelly machismo.
  • A more apt name would have been “Run and Hide” since that’s all you ever do.

Reality aside, Cliffy’s assertions of the PC market being in “disarray” are unfounded. These fraudulent allegations combined with his sloppy port of Gears proves he wouldn’t know a personal computer if it slapped him on the rump.

“I think the PC is just in disarray,” he stated. “What’s driving the PC right now is Sims-type games and World of WarCraft and a lot of stuff that’s in a Web-based interface. You just click on it and play it. That’s the direction PC is evolving into so for me, the PC is kind of the secondary part of what we’re doing.”

His examples are way out of left field and he ignores not only the enormous variety of the PC market that can’t be found anywhere else, but also the phenomenal titles on the horizon (Spore, Conan and Warhammer Online, the Sam and Max series, Postal 3, Fallout 3, Starcraft 2, to name a piddling few).

What irks me most of all is Cliffy’s dismissal of the platform that made Epic the company it is. Longtime fans of the company will remember Epic Megagames as a marginally above average purveyor of shareware PC titles sporting charismatic protagonists like Jazz Jackrabbit and Jill of the Jungle. These were games whose first few levels were free and continued play warranted incremental payments for subsequent stages. Even their later, more polished titles kept the grassroots image by employing, for example, MOD music legend CC Catch (Kenny Chou) to score the awesome robot fighting game One Must Fall 2097. This company was the very definition of humility and the goodwill and support of the PC gaming community bolstered it into the powerhouse it is today.

So bye bye, Cliffy. Go seek out your fortune in the wild, untamed mainstream. Leave the most powerful gaming platform in your wake as you squeeze the last ounce out of yesterday’s technology. Obviously you know your company better than those of us who spent our childhood playing the likes of Kiloblaster and Dare to Dream on Windows 3.1. Your army of Xbots sweats with prepubescent anticipation, calling your name in their collective prepubescent tenor, itching to wrap their monkey mitts around the most imprecise controllers on Earth to nudge and fidget their way through your next square room full of boxy debris. Count me out.


What is love? Cliffy, don’t hurt me!