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Uncle Ben’s Bistro Entrées

Food | Wednesday, September 17th, 2008 | 8 years, 9 months ago

My wife and I are doing our best to rely less heavily on takeout food, and have been buying more ingredients and easily-prepared meals.  A commercial on my parents’ TV for Uncle Ben’s Entrees enticed me to try the product.  In the advert, fluffy, separated grains of dry-looking rice with juicy chunks of chicken are enjoyed by a slim, sexy woman who is so exhausted from work that she can’t be bothered to wear a shirt (seriously, she’s wearing a bra in a rice ad).  I’m exhausted, hungry, and mostly nude after work as well so Betty Bazooms made an impression on me.  The product looked similar to dishes I often order from restaurants so this looked right up my alley.  I bought a package for about $4 from the local grocer.

I squished the bag gently to separate the contents, made a small tear in the top of the bag, and stuck it in my microwave for 90 seconds as per the instructions.  I let it cool for a bit and poured it into a bowl.  There’s no way to cook this stuff incorrectly.  Heat bag, eat bag.

This stuff looked like cat food.  It was a gelatinous mass; a far cry from the cascading single grains in the commercial.  I squeezed the contents out like toothpaste and the resulting mush stood firm like lumpy mashed potatoes.  Bachelor chow.  But heck, I’ve eaten worse-looking stuff so I dug in.

One dig is all I could eat before it went in the garbage.  I had a zen-like moment where I truly understood the scientific term "bolus".  I’m amazed I could swallow it.

I’m not being dramatic here.  I am by no means a picky eater.  I spent a good span of my life subsisting on no-name white cheddar macaroni.  I enjoy McDonalds.  So help me, I even eat my wife’s vegetarian meat substitutes ("goo on a stick", we call it).

This Uncle Ben’s Bistro Entrée was perhaps the saltiest thing I had ever put in my mouth.  Before dumping this gruel in the trash I picked the empty package out and cursed myself for not having read the nutritional information before purchase.

 

uncleben

1.3 grams of salt per 250g package.  That’s about 1 in 200 parts salt.  Over half the recommended daily intake.  Salt and some kind of spicy powder are all I could taste while gumming this lumpy mulch.

Uncle Ben’s Bistro Entrées are simply repulsive.  Do not poison yourself or your family with this product.

Here’s the official information page on this product:

http://www.unclebens.ca/en-ca/products/bistro_express_entrees/mexican_style_beef.aspx

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4 Comments

  1. I’ve seen this commercial for a couple of months now and am totally mesmerized by the woman in the bra! It wasn’t until last week I noticed that the commercial was for Uncle Bens. I was trying to tell someone about the commercial and I didn’t know what she was selling.

    Comment by jimpy — August 30, 2009 @ 9:25 pm

  2. I haven’t tried that particular flavour… but the chicken and wild rice ones are delicious.

    That being said, I ended up at this site because I am concerned over the level of preservatives or whatever miracle chemical is in this stuff: since it has meat in it, but doesn’t need to be refrigerated.

    I’m still looking…

    Comment by well... — May 14, 2010 @ 2:27 pm

  3. i dont’ have any interest in eating anything more of uncle ben ice since it’s was a big turn off of buy ing his rice since that commercial with a half naked women i cant’ watch that comerrial and eat uncle bens rice what a disgrace to anything who ever let that commerical be air has rocks in their head and who ever thought of it probably doesnt’ have any moral if it good people want to buy it but not like that . People make fun of the commerial and says it doesn’t make the want to run out and buy any and instead wondered who was the sicko who make the comeerical apparent someone with no taste or maorals i’ll now buy some other rice uncle bens was good but can’t support something with no moral or tasteful plus i have tto turn the channel to something more better thatn that . mzkd better and more tasteful commerial and cheaper so it done in good taste

    Comment by peanutbgrl — May 23, 2010 @ 9:52 am

  4. Personally I like the commercial with “Mary Mammary’s”…. of course Im hetrosexual, drive fast and drink beer on weekends after going fishing. I dont like the rice advertised in the commercial, it really is very poor quality. I prefer to cook my food, I f you want something fast and easly made then you have to expect some draw backs. Dont think a culinary delight is awaiting your tastebuds if you dont put out any effort! That said, I will stick with Uncle Bens regular old long grain parboiled rice…. its good, and you can addything you want to make it better. I’ll still watch the commercial though….. its wondrfull.

    Comment by Anonymous — August 15, 2010 @ 8:06 am

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